Tell me, is something eluding you, Sunshine?

Don't take a handful of Mentos and cram them into your mouth then take a bog mouthful of Diet Coke, just to see what will happen. Because you know what's going to happen and you are powerless, powerless to stop it.

 

Medoc, are you here?

I've been sleepwalking again, my dear.

The plants are moving under the rug

I've developed a sleepwalking problem. I wake up in the middle of the night and walk around like I'm awake and talk nonsense. I try to get out of the house. I don't remember anything of it. My husband said last time I did this, he was tempted to run out of the house screaming that he needed an old priest and a young priest to battle for my soul. Why am I doing this? And why do I love knowing that I do this?

And a happy 4th of July weekend to all.
That's about it.

I honestly can't stand those women (always women) who eat half of something and wrap up the rest for later. I'm not talking about a turkey dinner or a whole salmon or even a cheese sandwich, I'm talking about those girls who eat half a chocolate chip cookie and wrap the rest in a napkin and put it in the fridge.

I was just reading on The Smoking Gun, a deposition given by a young boy about all the times he was molested by Michael Jackson. The part which got me was, most of the descriptions began with "After my mother dropped me off at MJ's house..." or "MJ asked my mother if I could spend the night with him at a hotel. She agreed and drove me to the hotel."
I'm sorry, but this just puzzles me a little. Especially Michael Jackson. Who didn't see that coming for a mile away? Also, I wouldn't want my kids there in case Macaulay Culkin was hanging around. That guy's a freak.
AND ALSO.
My cat knocked my phone into the toilet the other day and I've had to get a new phone, but the old one won't turn on SO I NEED YOUR PHONE #. Please text it to me with your name or you might miss out on sweet, sweet Kim-ness.

Dear Creature:
Let's just start out by my saying I know you aren't a hummingbird. How did I guess? Well, I'll tell you. 
My hummingbird feeder is quite large, and therefore holds quite a bit of nectar. Yet somehow it empties overnight. I believe even if we got all the hummingbirds in the greater Denton area together, got them really excited about having some nectar, and let them loose on my back porch, they probably wouldn't be able to make a discernable difference in the level of nectar in the feeder. So I know. And we can go from there.
I understand hummingbird nectar is tasty. I tried some myself the first time I mixed it up. So I understand, I really do. But the thing is, your nectar frenzy is starting to inconvenience me a bit. I fill the feeder with nectar. You eat the nectar. I have an empty hummingbird feeder and I have a problem with that. I can either boil some up myself and make myself and my pot and the kitchen all sticky, or I can tool up to Dollar General and buy some mix and go from there. Either way takes time, and time is what I don't have. 
I'm willing to be reasonable. I'm not saying you can't have any hummingbird nectar, whatever you are. That's fine. Have some. But please, excercise some restraint. That's all I'm asking.
Yours,
Kim

I don't understand why people have to preface questions they plan to ask with the statement "I have a question." And what really gets me is, if it's said more than once in the course of a conversation. For example, just now.

"What can I do for you?"
"I have a question."
(long pause)
"What can I do for you?"
"What's my balance?"
"It's $509.30".
"Great, thanks. I have a question."
(long pause)
"And what is that?"
"What's my account number?"
"It's blahblahblahnumbersblah. Got that?"
"Sure do. You've been helpful! Thanks!"
"No problem!"
They sit there and stare at me for about 4 seconds.
"Is there anything else I ca-"
"I have a question."

I want to tell them, if their sentence ends on a rising inflection, I can tell its a quesion, thanks.

Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.